Some kind of wonderful..

As I have gotten older, I have discovered something wonderful. Something liberating and fantastic..

For years, I worried about how others saw me, what they thought of me, was I pleasing them with my attitude or my looks.. I was miserable, and it was exhausting. I turned 40, and BOOM it hit me, the only person I had any responsibility to please.. was ME!

 How did I see myself, what did I think of me, was I pleasing myself with my attitude or my looks? The answer was a resounding.. NO! I was sick of keeping my mouth shut, sick of pretending to be some uptight PTA mom who only wanted to please some guy and raise cookie cutter kids. Striving to be a pretty girl who apologized for having a thought in my little head had always been a lie, so why continue it? It became time to embrace what made me happy..

 I do not aspire to be envied for my life, or my choices, I do not desire the acceptance of strangers, I am no longer hobbled by the social standards set by those that know nothing about me. I revel in the absurd, the nerdy, the loud and opinionated words that pour from my mouth at inappropriate times, the wild and weird and wonderful being that is completely me. I love who I am, where I am, and what I look like. I enjoy the part of me that craves attention (attention and acceptance are two completely different things) as well as the part of me that can't burp in public.. the lady and the roust-about.. I love every contradictory piece of the hot mess that I am.

I have looked inside and found.. that I am worthy, of love, of happiness, of respect.. not because someone else SAID I was.. but because I SAID I was.

I see these young women out there, hiding their freak flag or their true feelings or their real thoughts, because someone might SEE them and have an opinion. I wish I could let them feel what I do, see what I have found, help them understand that while they may be making everyone around them happy, they are smothering themselves. Someday.. you won't be so obsessed with what ANYONE thinks of you.. and that feels awesome.

Look inside yourself, do you like what you see? Are you hiding the real you because you are afraid? Let it go ladies.. realize that your joy is worth more.