The hand that feeds you..

We would all like to believe that as members of the Fat Girl club, we are above body shaming. That we embrace every size and shape of our fellow fat girls, that we help, and lift up every fat girl everywhere.. but it just ain't true.

 I made a comment this morning that shocked me, and made me feel so ashamed, I couldn't believe that those words had come from MY mouth! I was taking my kiddo out to the car for school, and there were two fat chicks outside walking a dog and chatting. When I leaned in to kiss my daughter goodbye, I very rudely said to my ex (who drives our girl to school) "Shoot me if I ever get that big". He laughed, I laughed.. and then I realized what I had just said.

Oh. My. God.

Me, champion of the fat girl, self proclaimed freer of fat girl esteem, body shamer caller-outer.. had just shamed not one but two women for being fat. In front of my daughter.

This one comment shamed me, but not as much as it would have shamed those two women, had they heard.

How many of us, fat ourselves, look at women fatter than we are and are thankful we are not 'that' fat? (how many more times could I have written the word fat in that one sentence?) For many, there are always women out there that are fatter than we are, women we can look down on as 'those' kind of fat people.. the ones that are lazy and ignorant and living on a steady diet of twinkies and soda.. We tell ourselves that WE don't live like that, we are active and healthy and beautiful. How is it possible that it's ok for a fat girl to body shame someone because they are fatter?

It didn't make me feel good to say those words, but it did feel good to not be the fattest girl.. and I allowed myself a moment of 'better than you'. I have no excuse, and I can see how so many people find themselves body shaming we fat chicks.. girls are trained to hate their bodies, to see every tiny flaw and perceived imperfection, so when we see a woman who has such obvious 'flaws' we jump on the chance to feel better than she is. We can win. (Being fat is not a flaw, but it is socially acceptable to claim it as such) We take every chance to lift ourselves up using another human being to stand on.

I am calling bullshit.. on myself.

I offer this as an apology. I demand that each of us, every single fat girl that has ever thought more of herself by comparing her body to another's, to own that. Realize what you are doing is not different than a skinny chick calling YOU fat, in fact, it's worse. We have got to stand together, link our chubby arms in solidarity, and not allow ourselves to fall into that body shaming trap. Out yourself, even if it is just to the bathroom mirror.. then try to do better next time.

We are a gallon of ice cream away from being fatter than we were yesterday, and somewhere another fat girl is looking at us and saying "Thank goodness I am not THAT fat"..

We are all beautiful. We are all the perfect size today. We are all fat girls and we are all acceptable.